What is something you want to "get off your chest"?

this is a rant/vent and not worth reading. Major tws here for a bunch of shit

I hate her she’s so annoying and always touching and hitting me but I don’t know why I put up with it

I gave it to my friend so she can sneak in popcorn for me, that I gave her money to buy for me since they wouldn’t let me

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I can’t stop crying I feel so weird and I know I am

I told her to give it to me or my teacher or anyone she saw she knew that I KNEW in my part of the school and she gave it to some fucking stranger and I don’t know where it is now

I think

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I can’t even think about actually eating other stuff

My arm rlly hurts rn cause I just scratched it to the bone

There’s been times I’ve done it to drawn feral porn and I hate it so much. Why do I like to put these bad things that I find so disgusting and hate it so much on myself as if I’m one of them

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Like I wanna fly and be an animal tbh

I don’t want that and I don’t know how to get rid of it but I’m scared to get help like what do I even say to them? That I hit and abused my dog and have the urge to hit and throw things and scream like I’m some abuser?

They’re both small dogs

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About all my friends

Likes we’re not siblings

I’m 15 btw idk if anyone will ever read this or maybe myself when im older

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I masturbate every once a while to porn and I hate it but it feels good and every time after I do it I feel disgusting and horrible

My room is a mess it’s like a hoarders house. I’m not even exaggerating. There’s clothes and random shit all over and I can’t even see the floor and I still keep bringing stuff in

I can’t even do the simplest things like washing my own dish or picking up the dogs poop and I make such a big deal about it every single fucking time

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I hate seeing my dad my brother and siblings cry

I genuinely don’t know what to think of myself anymore

And this voice and body, I hate it. I sound like a little girl and I look like a kid. I don’t want to be a girl

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I just feel so guilty about everything I do. I’m weird and I hate it and I don’t like myself

But I just wanna disappear and not exist. I don’t like this world. I like my life but not how I live or how this world functions

It’s been a long time and I can’t handle it anymore

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and I’m such a picky eater

I hate myself so much

I think it’s my depression but idk maybe it’s me cause I’d never want to call anyone incuinf her

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I miss her so much and I feel so much guilt . I was close with her

Sometimes it’s funny but I’m just so tired of feeling out of place with everyone

My grandmothers death isn’t helping either

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I never returned a call. I never called first. I did answer some calls but it was short and whenever I went to her house (this all started to happen after I was maybe 11 between 13) I just stayed in my room and barley hung out with her

When I was younger (prob around 9-10h I got so mad that I thought of throwing max against the dresser really hard

I can’t anymore I just hate it

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I just feel so bad. My sister never got one cause at the time they were poor (I wasn’t alive then) and I’m spoiled now and I can do things she couldn’t when she was younger

I never did that and I feel so guilt and bad after but I just did it again

I grabbed him and was about to do it but I stopped because I didn’t want to hurt him

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I want to kill myself but I know I can’t. I have a quince coming up and my mom and dad would have wasted ten thousand on it . I wish I knew how much it’d cost

I never saw them cry and it hurt to see my dad especially cause he rarely does

I’d go the the movies with her sometimes and watch movies on tv with her and sit in the living room with her but that’s just about it

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I can’t get rid of it. I wanna peel my skin off and hide away. I felt so exposed at school without my sweater

He cried and I let go but I still pulled him out to kick him out

Max was under there too so I tried getting him out and he growled and I hit him again and again each time

I made a new friend though and I’m happy about that

I hate it

I want to but I can’t

I think my mom favors me and that makes my sister have some kind of hidden dislike for me but I know she loves me

And my fucking phone wouldn’t let me know when she would call and when she would leave voice mails saying to call her back when I can and that she loves me

“your mom” that rlly hurts though when she say it

I also look at people dying and being abused like gore shit

He also has anger isssues I think. One time he got so mad that he threw a plate at the wall and it broke

I want to be a boy

I think if I had children, I’d abuse them when I’m mad. That’s why I don’t want children. I don’t want to hurt them but these urges to just hit and throw and break stuff is so strong to the point I have to harm myself to get rid of it

I just pulled frosty out under my bed by his arm even though I knew it would hurt

I wouldn’t have done it if I knew

My body my voice, especially my voice

Idk tbh

I think I’m scared to lose another friend

I’m afraid that whatever this is, my anger issues and depression, is gonna cause me to hurt someone I love in the future

And she ate half of the popcorn

and I wasn’t raised like how I should’ve. I’m whitewashed and I get made fun of it

My heart hurts so much it feels like it’s being squeezed and thrown around

Just wanted to put it out there

I eat the same thing every other day . Pasta, macaroni, fries, beans (or sometimes eggs) with tortillas, and sometimes cheese bread from little Cesar’s. Its the same fucking thing every day

.dont tell me to get help, I’m fully aware that I need it.